Last week, I found out my divorce is final. We were two 33-year-old humans, who had known each other since we were 20 years old, and decided that we no longer wanted to be married. It was as simple as that and as complicated as that. Even with agreeing on everything, it still took nearly 7 months for the court to finalize our divorce. We had separated long before that.
So - we haven’t been together for a long time. But seeing “Judgement Granted” on the court’s website made me think about everything again.
Divorce is one of the ugliest words in the world, isn’t it? It comes with so many stigmas - you quit too soon, you don’t know what marriage means, you don’t know how to stick with something, etc.
We got married at City Hall. We filled out one page of paperwork and they asked if we were related (uh, no). 24 hours later, we were allowed to be married. But with our divorce, we had hundreds of pages of paperwork to fill out. HUNDREDS.
Going through this has made me far less judgmental, and FAR more sure of my decisions. I make decisions quickly but I trust my gut, finally.
I’ve had so many more people confide in me - their secrets, their struggles, their dreams. I understand why people hold on, try to control the only things they have left to control, and spiral into versions of themselves they don’t want to be. And yet - why do we make it more painful on ourselves? When it’s over, it is over. Why would you WANT to be with someone who doesn’t love and cherish you like you should be loved and cherished?
I tell everyone that I have the best ex-husband in the world. This is true, but also complicated. I don’t believe we will be friends for a long time. I hope we will be. At many points, I thought I could never survive without him in my life. And yet, I’ve made it.
He said to me once - “You were brave enough to do the thing I never would have done.”
I hope our divorce reflects our great friendship, our great love, and the many trials and tribulations we went through together - a respectful, terribly challenging, and ultimately right decision.